Not all children are blessed with the needed ingredients, right tools & guidence to ever at any age transfer into an adult and those who do will always be a child even while also being a parent
child noun A young human being below the age of puberty or below the legal age of majority.
parent noun A father or mother.
adult noun A person who is fully grown or developed .
When becoming a parent I didn'<[t receive step by step directions on 76 job or how to manual and even if someone made one its not going to work on every model (each individual).
Because parenting doesn’t have one correct way or wrong way and no one has all the answers. We all have to just take a swing at what we think is the best way and hope we make a hit that brings us a home run, but never is it always that easy. Sometimes no matter how we hit the struggle to make it home is harder for some than others. Sometimes we will strike out but, it doesn’t mean we are out unless we just.give.up! Doesn’t mean we won’t get a hit if we try again!! There is obviously no way of ever knowing if we as parents are making the best decisions nor is every child the same, so what worked with the oldest may come in as a curveball with the youngest. So we always have to have our eyes on the ball. Our goals laid out on the table and no matter how many times we are striked out, come back with more knowledge and more skill until you knock it out of the park. Teaching our kids they can do anything and always be better with hardwork and commitment isn’t words that can be spoken to someone and with the expectations that will be enough and that they won’t fall or struggle and need a lift or on a full count when the all was given and the ball wasn’t always within reach we may “let them walk” but, not too often as they won’t want to challenge themselves to work harder and sliding into home would be unheard of if we always let them walk or always are capable of placing their reasons for missing the ball on someone else. With one never having to take accountability for their own actions one can never respect “the game.” With no respect for the game and strikes being over looked and bases being handed out without deserving them, than they have learned an easier way “to win” the game. One that is played by a disrespectful, self absorbed, no sportsmanship having spoiled brat.This will become a habit. Everything will be expected with no work or soul involved. They will become little life sucking vulchers. Expecting every little thing. Making them not only poor sports but, cheaters. How do make an all star, the question everyone asks, as if there is an answer that will be guaranteed. So I would tell people all we have is our best judgement, life experiences, knowledge from our parent’s as well as our past mistakes, and others lives who have been documented and shared in some form, to help inspire and educate others. Becoming a parent is not for everyone and if you don’t want the opportunity and have no intentions of even trying always remeber there are others who would love to have the opportunity. Children suffer because of ignorant parents. Children go without because they are more of a burden than a blessing. Children don’t ask to be born. They don’t ask for your love. They don’t expect much when they are born except food and love. A babies happiness lies within having a full tummy and the feeling of being loved and comforted. Interesting right. All the rest as they grow up, well blame it on society and ourselves. That that is unheard of or unknown does not exist in ones mind therefore what our kids want and expect comes from what we allow. Showering kids with material items thinking it will make up for lack of love and attention will create a monster or a hopeful child praying and begging for their parents guidence and support. As the path is unknown and full of distractions like hills, curves, bumps, and lots of pressure leading to the wrong choices that can often destroy lives.
Thus what makes parenting the hardest job you will ever endure. It will also be the most rewarding job you ever experienced. And like other jobs, well if you half ass it or skip small tasks along the way results may vary. Being a parent brings out parts of us we never knew existed. Helps us find that strength we didn’t even know existed and exausts us mentally and physically like no other job ever can. Being a parent invloves playing many roles. A psychologist, a taxi, a banker, a supporter, a fan, a cheer leader, a team mate, a teacher, a friend, a punisher, a maid, a cook, a role model and that is just to name a few when speaking of roles that are involved when being a parent. Exhausting to say the least. But, just a small part of what being a parent involves.
Asshole of the Year Award Goes to No One Other Than Yours Truly….
And I accept this award with open arms and a cast of embarrassment. Now having the knowledge that once lacked and through being an asshole was able to discover or at least found the right path I needed to be on!
The knowledge I obviously lacked for way too long. That knowledge being that my Alter Ego isn’t always right & even when I believed I had all of the facts of a situation and that that gave me rights to express my thoughts, even if I wasn’t there, MOST likely there are pieces somewhere I am not aware of and would contradict my opinion had I known them.The knowledge that raising boys vs girls is two totally different universes and realities. Also proving another VERY important lesson, and that being, if teenage drama queens, (teen girls) are involved and the ones I obtained my information from, well most likely the scenario I have played out in my head is dramatized and drawn out of perspective and a total different reality than that of a boy who was a part of the exact scenario. The perspective that a boy or even an adult would have the exact situation may seem to be of a different reality, but thats where males and females are different. Also where we need to take a closer look sometimes and not just assume that the picture painted to us is the same picture everyone involved was viewing.
- Knowledge is Power- With that knowledge, which I should have not gained by attacking or humiliating someone else’s reputation, I now realize. Along with a number of other things to help shield myself from future “Alter Ego take overs”. Being my daughters lack of self worth and mimd set that other people’s opinions define her I have too, many times gone above and beyond acceptable measures to protect her or in the last sitiation, protect others in similar situations from being taunted about their body they had no control over. Which to me is still important, but what I stated happened wasn’t as evil as it played in my head nor was it anywhere near what my perception led me to believe. Which is where my next lesson comes into play. Lesson being that my daughter, which I already knew, can over react and definitely takes things to heart and in ways ones didn’t intend. Being the defensive mom with the perception that my daughter is always singled out and because she is my daughter and not a sport super star or brainiac she isn’t viewed on the same level as others, making me not always open my eyes to the big picture in every situation and instead allow my Alter Ego Protective Mom Role consume all of me. Consume my common sense, my adknowlegement of others feelings, and most important lesson the repercussions of my actions and what damage it can do to my daughter and her future if I don’t learn not only how to control my issues but, how to deal with a daughter who is the exact opposite of myself.
In just a few years my daughter will be considered an adult. She will be expected to take on responsibilities that are foreign to her. She will be expected to deal an overwelming amount of “new” things and have to work through and solve all the life problems that we as adults don’t think twice about after it being our second nature after several years of experience. Obviously as a mom protecting our children is the most important point of our existence and letting my Alter Ego alter my conscious and morals I don’t honestly think what will benefit my daughter the best in the future. I think in the moment and without thinking react. Beneficial in some instances and huge mistake in more than I can count.
Knowledge of realizing the real meaning of protecting my daughter does not mean making pain go away or even defending her in certain situation and most important protecting my daughter doesn’t happen by involving myself in a situation.
My main focus should be in all situations not on how to defend my daughter or anyone else from the world but, to teach my daughter that life is not a Comic Strip and there won’t always be someone there to “save her.” And help her gain the strength to find what were once terifying awkward situations for her into something she doesn’t want to avoid or run and hide from. Something she herself independently knows how to and not to react to while remaining confident and knowing her self worth. All of which I knew was important just obviously took the wrong path on too many trips.
I still don’t have all of the answers to raise my teenage daughter who not only is nothing like I was at her age, and different than myself in so many ways, but also in a whole different environment that opens a whole new ball game that I never even had to play. That being the cell phone & what lays within its power from social media to instant messaging. All a whole new field in which I don’t can’t relate to as a child or teen.
I also am in away looking at things with the knowledge that my daughter most likely has taken several other incidents to heart that most people don’t think twice about. That not making her bad or not normal just making her needs and struggles a little different than most because of her super sensitive perception and worry of what others think or view about her. Just making her road a little bumpier than most but, nothing we can not get past with guidence and support from the sidelines. I can’t play the game for her and expect her to learn anything or ever be able to expect her to know what move to make if I am not there to handle it.
Writing and reading are my therapy. When I am in an emotional place I put my thoughts onto paper or I read to try and educate my questions with answers. Psychology is a huge fascination to me. How the mind works and the differences when being a certain age or sex. Reading often similar experiences others dealt with , psychology studies & statistics, and basically psychology articles in general. Psychology and understanding the human mind in all different types of people as well as learning and obtaining facts to pair with my experiences to have the knowledge to not only help me in life situations but, also to help educate myself of ways I can help others, has been one of my fascinations which became more of an obsession after taking my first college Psycology class.
I am for the most part a self educated idiot who from life experiences and reading Psychology books, but definitely educated to know that this is a constamt changing lesson and something one could never obtain everything there is to know and feel fully educated on. Our brains are constantly changing and evolving with the world around us making what we thought we knew and understood a whole different “playing field”, you could say.
I apologize to all who were victimized by my Alter Ego. For she knew what she allowed herself to know in each situation and from there made many mistakes. Those mistakes are being acknowledged and taken responsibility for and going to be used in the future before letting my Alter Ego do the speaking before evaluating and getting the facts in any situation.
But, my biggest struggle and weakness is the lesson on my perception.
My perception is to blame for my past actions and which resulted in my reality. I could blame someone else all day for causing me to be a certain and claim had they not done this I would not have retailiated by doing this, but those adults still playing that game are mentally still children.
My perception is what I needed to change to find peace within myself and those living around me.
I want to make a difference and I want to stand for something. I want my difference to make a change. I want my change to make our tomorrow better than our today!
Unfortunately that may seem out of reach but, I can start somewhere and I can in all situations focus on keeping a positive perspective and know the difference between how to spread negative versus positive and how to intercept the negative and head back in the right direction while learning to remain positive no matter how hurt or upset something has made me or my loved ones.
Life is a struggle. We all share many of the same struggles and weaknesses and it is easy to forget that. As it is easy to forget others have feelings just like you and you can never make someone change or make someone respect your feelings but, you can change yourself and through your own actions show others what respecting others and being the best you can be even when you are feeling your worst, looks like. We are often best at not learning by others telling us but, by mimicking or living & experiencing issues ourselves. Some lessons are not teachable as they can not be learned by someone telling us, but only through making mistakes and owning those mistakes and not only taking accountability for them, and learning to find a different path to take in the future that won’t lead to that same outcome. This may take several different pathes and dead ends before obtaining the knowledge and reaching the path of self fulfillment and happiness and one of which u are proud of.
I feel when knowing the lessons and knowledge obtained from each mistake you make you have no reason to ve ashamed or feel guilty of the past. If a millon mistakes make you who you want to be every mistake was a milestone and piece of the puzzle that was needed to put you together and become the person you are.
As all puzzles can seem complete as each piece is in its place, but there is always room for expansion. So never settle today that you are the best you can be because the best has no limits. The best know the harder you work at something the better you become. The more knowledge you obtain the better your skill can become when that said knowledge is put to use.
I have learned the hard way that my happiness comes from within and I am the only one who can find it. I also know that years of trying to make others happy even when my happiness was not of my best interest, and in the struggle of trying to make others happy, I always feel good in the moment when pleasing others but, after years of the same scenario and the same outcome and my happiness still on the back burner for the sake of others temporary happiness, I began to fill consumed with exhaustion and feelings of not being enough and thinking I am not capable of pleasing or making anyone happy. When in reality my struggle to make them happy was never something that was ever going to make an unhappy person turn into a happy person. One does not obtain that power. Happiness is a choice and someone else’s happiness has to be their choice. No matter what extent or measure taken no one can make a person happy that doesn’t want to be happy or doesn’t want to change their own perception & if you are blamed for someone else’s misery….I warn u now, RUN! Don’t get in any deeper because the escape only gets harder and the guilt only gets more painful. Don’t carry the weight and worry of someone else’s choice. Make your own happiness and make others change to be part of your life or if that is not possible distant yourself and only take small doses as you do not have to deal with anything you refuse to tolerate. You place your value on your expectations and you decide how people will treat you if they want to stay part of your life!!
Learning new things expands us and makes us grow as people and no matter age or IQ, knowledge is priceless and you can never have too much and enough is not a measurement. Knowledge can not be measured!!
Thank you for reading one of my many personal exoeriences and how life challenges me daily to want to be a better person and those times I just want to give up and tell everyone to go fuck themselves I rest my mind and call it a day as for tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start.
Never give up! Never settle for less than you expect. Be what u expect others to be! Ask questions that you don’t know the answers to. But, most of all find happiness within and know it will never be something others can provide you or you can provide others. It’s a path one must find on their own!!!