Dear Mom, 

I am not asking for you to stay out of my life because of hate or any reason that has to do with you. And I’m not asking because that’s what I wanted. I am asking because I can’t take another day in this life. Nothing is normal or right about the things you say to me when I really need you. 

You have never been there for me. Not only was I alone when I had a problem or had fears but, you were always there to kick me while I was down and make me feel that much worse. I’m sure you don’t remeber or recall any or this and you probably think I do that to you and that makes me sad. But, fact of the matter I remember.

I remeber all the demonic and evil things you said to me and continue to say. They repeat like a broken record over and over and every time is pain. If things had ever changed, if you had ever changed the past I could’ve forgotten with the memories of love but, those kind of memories for me are very slim.

Tonight I’m upset about the hurtful and mean things grandpa said and mad at the kids for not listening and arguing in the car while I repeatly tell them to stop. I needed you by my side. To help not contradict!

You did exactly what you hate Grandpa to do. You tried taking them and acting as though I was being mean when u dint know what was going on. I’m teaching my kids to do what they are told or have consequences. When they leave home who will be there to rescue them if they get into trouble? 

Knowing how to except consequences for your own actions is a huge lesson.One you to this day, for sure have never learned, and I didn’t learn it to easy. That’s one, I also had to experience on my own. 

If you find what you are missing or is causing pain, I would help. Somehow I thought we could finally put the past in the past. But, I have my own family now and their happiness is the reason I breathe. Watching them achieve and work for their goals is what gets me through each day. The thoughts of one of them hurting like I hurt makes me sad.I hope that you understand and do what you need to do. Find your happiness that you blame not having on me so often. 

Its time I do what I need to do as well!! It’s time I stop the never ending battle of searching for ways to make you happy. I am miserable. I need to find my happiness now. All this time I thought my happiness would come by making you happy. Boy was I wrong. The only one I can change is ME. My happiness depends on ME!

💙What Could Have Been Your💙                    💋💙Best Friend 💙💋
PS- What you say and how you make others feel, says a lot about yourself! 

                  ■ Meth Facts ■
The short-term and long-term.          impact of the individual
When taken, meth and crystal meth create a false sense of well-being and energy, and so a person will tend to push his body faster and further than it is meant to go. Thus, drug users can experience a severe “crash” or physical and mental breakdown after the effects of the drugs wear off.
Because continued use of the drug decreases natural feelings of hunger, users can experience extreme weight loss. Negative effects can also include disturbed sleep patterns, hyperactivity, nausea, delusions of power, increased aggressiveness and irritability.
Other serious effects can include insomnia, confusion, hallucinations, anxiety and paranoia.1 In some cases, use can cause convulsions that lead to death.
Long-range damage
In the long term, meth use can cause irreversible harm: increased heart rate and blood pressure; damaged blood vessels in the brain that can cause strokes or an irregular heartbeat that can, in turn, cause cardiovascular collapse or death; and liver, kidney and lung damage.
Users may suffer brain damage, including memory loss and an increasing inability to grasp abstract thoughts. Those who recover are usually subject to long term memory loss. 


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